As children grow into young adults, the relationship between parents and kids starts to change. For many parents, this time can feel like an emotional roller coaster. You might worry about the choices your child is making, or you might feel hurt if they don't call as often as they used to. It can be confusing to figure out when you should help and when you should step back.
This transition is a normal part of life, but it isn’t always easy. One of the best ways to handle these changes is by practicing healthy boundaries.
The “Personal Bubble” Concept
To understand boundaries, imagine that everyone has a personal "bubble" around them. Inside your bubble are your own thoughts, opinions, feelings, and actions. Every time you interact with someone, your bubbles come together.
- Too Much Space: If the bubbles are too far apart, the relationship can feel cold or lonely. You might feel like you don’t really know what is going on in each other’s lives.
- Overlapping Bubbles: If the bubbles overlap, one person usually ends up trying to “fix” or “rescue” the other. This can make the adult child feel smothered and the parent feel exhausted from solving problems that aren’t theirs to solve.
- The Healthy Balance: The goal is to be close without overlapping. This means being supportive and warm while remembering that each person is responsible for their own “bubble.”
Three Steps to a Better Relationship
When you keep your bubbles close but separate, you create a stronger bond. You can:
- Acceptance: Acknowledge that your adult child is responsible for their own thoughts and choices.
- Set Limits: Give yourself permission to say “no” or step back to protect your own peace of mind.
- Collaborate: Have honest, respectful conversations where you work together as equals.
Think of a boundary as a respectful bridge rather than a wall. It provides the space needed for a meaningful connection as your relationship moves into this new stage of life. Setting and maintaining health boundaries won't eliminate every twist and turn of the emotional rollercoaster, but it can help smooth the ride.
