Have you ever felt like everything is changing all at once and there is no clear path forward? Maybe recent changes have left you with this sense that you have lost a part of yourself? Marriage, divorce, career changes, empty nesting, loss of a loved one, retirement, becoming a parent, or starting college can all have a profound impact on how we view ourselves. And as we go through these changes, we can end up feeling stuck in a confusing space between who we used to be and who we are becoming in this next phase of life.
Understanding why life transitions feel so difficult can help us to better understand and accept our experience. When we go through transitions, we are dealing with complex emotions while figuring out how to adjust to a new normal. Transitions naturally involve grief. Even happy changes require mourning what we're leaving behind. We also tend to desire and seek out predictability. And adjusting to a new normal takes time and effort. That promotion means saying goodbye to a comfortable routine. That new relationship means a new normal with another person. That move to a new city means losing connection with old friends.
So, what can we do to work through the big transitions that we’re likely to encounter in life?
Try behavioral activation. In times of transition, we can be prone to freezing up. But behavioral activation means taking meaningful actions aligned with your values. You can ask yourself some questions. What matters most to me in this next phase of life? What’s one tiny step I can take today toward who I want to be? Put it in your calendar. Follow through. And celebrate once you do! It does not need to be perfect. The goal is just to continue taking small steps forward.
Possibly the most challenging aspect of transitions is the uncertainty that comes with them. We want to know how things will turn out. But often growth means we have to step outside our comfort zone and sit with not knowing. Present Awareness is a tool that can help us tolerate this discomfort. Present Awareness involves addressing your worries and concerns as what they are – thoughts. And to let them come and go without judging them.
Transitions are temporary. But the resilience you gain by working through them goes a long way. That confusing space we can find ourselves stuck in during big transitions? You do not need to escape it. You can use tools to help you push forward into your next phase of life.
